Apryl
Mock
News editor
Every time my fiancé and I go out and I don’t want to carry my purse (which is almost always), we have the same discussion. Why on earth does he get stuck carrying my lanyard, which is attached to12 key chains and a car key as well as my oversized, sparkling pink wallet?
My argument is always the same: girl pockets.
Girl pockets are the bane of my existence. My fiancé doesn’t seem to understand the pockets of a pair of women’s jeans only have enough space for 35 cents, a tube of watermelon lip balm and three Tic-Tacs — nothing more.
From time to time, I hear my fiancé complain that he has to fit his entire existence in to a wallet. He just doesn’t realize how very lucky he is.
He only has to carry enough things to fill a wallet, whereas I have enough to fill up the trunk of a Crown Victoria. Women have to make the decision to either carry a purse or get a little help from their significant other, so I choose the latter.
Women are bogged down with the need to carry around Kleenex, toothpicks, hand sanitizer and other essentials.
My fiancé has taken advantage of my Girl Scout-like habits many a time without ever stopping to think about it, like when his lips are chapped or he has just touched something in Walmart.
If you happen to be a mother, you also have to fit in diaper wipes, animal crackers, Pepto-Bismol, an extra pair of shoelaces and tape.
So what is up with these clothing designers? I remember a couple of years ago when all the jeans were so low-rise that owning a thong was a necessity, just so you didn’t give old men heart attacks.
Then the jean designers decided that we needed rhinestones on the back pockets. Cute, until you try to sit on them.
You don’t have any protection from the little stabby things because the underwear you have on only covers your crack.
I am convinced that every pair of women’s jeans, ever, has been designed a man. A man who has never had to carry his girlfriend’s stuff or hold her purse at the mall while she digs around in her Marry Poppins bag for her wallet, or her emergency nail polish.
I am a very luck woman because I have a man who is comfortable with his sexuality. He rocks my over-sized sunglasses and Hello Kitty phone cover. I just wish he would stop stealing my lip balm.