By Dani Norton
Staff writer
Horror movies are an integral part of any Halloween celebration done right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a good slasher flick or ghost story.
Unfortunately, more often than not, modern horror films fail to do justice to the genre—the scares just aren’t there.
And the classics, however groundbreaking they may have been, tend to lose their effect over time. One can watch Laurie Strode escape Michael Myers only so many times before we sort of start hoping she gets it in the end.
There is only one other option left to consider: horror movies so terrible that they are amazing. Forget Craven, Carpenter and Hitchcock. Real horror is delivered to you through the likes of Kaufman, Fragasso and Band.
Never heard of them? We’re off to a good start.
Let’s be clear. There are two types of bad horror movies. The first type actually tries. The production value is generally subpar, but decent enough that a viewer could safely assume it was filmed in an actual studio rather than in a warehouse owned by the director’s cousin.
The acting will make you cringe more than the gore, if there is any gore at all, and the plot holes are such that you will be left with more questions than answers.
“5ive Girls” could be included in this category. In it, five young women are sent to reform school and upon arrival notice that there are chains and bars on the doors (what?), their headmistress is probably two years older than they are (hmm?) and there is a giant pentagram painted on the floor of the attic (…yeah). Of course, they stay and ridiculousness ensues.
No spoilers here, but be aware that Ron Perlman of “Hell Boy” plays Father Drake, a priest who doesn’t find it suspicious that he’s hired to teach at a reform school with a history of demonic activity and which presently houses only five scantily clad students.
The second type of bad horror movie is where you will find illustrious gems of cinematic history. If these movies are actually trying to appear legitimate, there is no hope for the future.
Production consists of a shaky camera and many visible boom mics. The actors likely have a past in adult film. The gore is as unrealistic as it is excessive, but not as unrealistic and excessive as the gratuitous nudity.
Basically, these movies are incredible.
With titles like “Bikini Girls on Ice,” “The Gingerdead Man” and “Killer Clowns from Outer Space,” you really can’t go wrong. Movies like these are overflowing with moments that will leave you and your friends wondering if something that stupid actually happened.
“The Gingerdead Man” stars Gary Busey as a psychotic killer who is executed and later reincarnated as a gingerbread cookie seeking to enact revenge on the woman who sent him to his death. That’s all you need to know.
The dialogue of these movies is really what makes them so fun to watch. “Troll 2” is about a family who goes on vacation to the tiny remote town of Nilbog, only to discover that the residents are actually scary goblins disguised as humans.
The film is full of memorable one liners, one of the most notable being, “Nilbog! It’s ‘goblin’ spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!” Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Blockbuster.
Some directors of these movies have actually ended up having a fairly large following. They intentionally make bad movies that become cult classics among certain audiences.
Troma Entertainment, for example, is a production company founded by Lloyd Kaufman, director of films such as “Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead” and “Tromeo and Juliet.” He currently has 17 films in either pre- or post-production with titles just as incredible.
Troma is famous for producing only the best of the worst in horror, often with musical numbers and very thinly veiled social commentary.
Terrible movies like these are not for everyone. But if you approach them with the correct frame of mind, they can be tons of fun.
They aren’t particularly scary or disturbing, at least not in the ways you would expect out of this genre, but some of the best Halloween memories I have involve watching these sorts of films with friends and eating too much candy.
If all else fails, don’t be afraid to scour the darkest corners of Netflix for these abominations. They will fail to live up to every expectation you’ve ever had for the film industry, and you will love every second of it.