We are not responsible for what happens if you take this seriously
By Steven Dixon, Advertising Director
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Today you will discover the original version of the nursery rhyme: “Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun, because he was easily amused.”
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You’ll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will be forced to re-evaluate your boss’ IQ, when you discover that he is looking forward to the release of “Titanic II.”
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
A good time to learn to laugh at yourself. Or, develop multiple personalities! That way you won’t be laughing at you, you’ll be laughing with you.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your case that simply means putting the one dollar bills in front of the fives in your wallet.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
You will discover, today, that you can whistle and hum at the same time. This will entertain you for hours.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22)
A careless delivery person will drop an entire case of pills when you are in a pharmacy today. Did you know that nitroglycerin is still used, sometimes, in the treatment of heart disease?
Libra (Sep. 23 – Oct. 22)
You come to find that you are at a turning point in your life. Turn, uh, right!
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Make up for Valentine’s Day; buy enough Dove dark chocolates for every person you know and find a way to leave one on their pillows.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Try to keep your life in balance – 20 percent fun, 20 percent study, 20 percent school , 20 percent work, 10 percent commuting, 10 percent making excuses.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)
That car-tagging didn’t go so well last week? Try using Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter icons.
Aquarius (Jan. 21- Feb. 18)
You will discover that you can raise one eyebrow by itself, but not the other. This will aggravate you, and you’ll spend the majority of the day in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to correct the situation.